kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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