she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
