i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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