I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.