I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's what I'm talking about
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles