So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.