I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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