Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?