it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude