My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land