well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.