When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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