They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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