Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
