I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
