would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
