The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
