I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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