i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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