Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my sisters under your porch take her home
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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