One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
