i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
