Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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