the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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