Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
