using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
