It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
