I wish they made helmets for livers.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
