what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
high people should be assigned attendants
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
