mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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