I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
