The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
