So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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