What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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We left an ass print on the piano.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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