so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
