Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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