I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
