Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
