the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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