when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Houston, we have a blender
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
