Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
