They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
