my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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