Michael Bay diarrhea
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
