he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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