If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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