my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
