Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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