Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
