Buhtt sex?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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