we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
