Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
