Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
