i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize