I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
