If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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