So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
