Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
