I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
