she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
