Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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