dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
