After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
