She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
