I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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