so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
