i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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