He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
3 2 1 whiskey
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
where are my eyebrows?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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