this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Drake has all the answers
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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