somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
