and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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