Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
