You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
