dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
