You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
