dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
