I think i peed on brittanys purse
4 words: hood of his car
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
