Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
