I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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